Relational Rule of Thumb #2
Know When It Is An "I" or a "We" Problem
In potential and actual conflict situations, it is important to pay close attention to the subtleties of our speech. If there is a problem that is the result of our own making or negligence and we say to a co-worker, "We've got a problem", we're implying that the problem is equally of their making—and now they share responsibility to fix it. We will meet either outward or veiled resistance to this approach.
On the other hand, if there are equal and proportional contributions of negligence, then "We've got a problem," or "I've got a problem," is still a smart approach for the manager, as it infers a team approach and a willingness to help.
If the cause of the problem is squarely on the shoulders of the other person(s), the safest approach is, "We've got to figure out a solution." Some managers would say, "You've got a problem," which isolates the individual in a negative spotlight. It's like watching yourself do a belly flop in a slow-motion replay—a painful experience.
These small subtle steps in communication lead to great strides in creating a team dynamic within the organization. Employees feel assured that their mistakes will be quickly repaired because the focus is on "fixing the problem, not placing the blame." Cooperation and teamwork flourish in such an environment and it is the manager who sets this "we" tone in the organization.
It is also important to make sure that your tone and your body language communicate cooperation as well as your words. Insincerity with team-building phraseology is just as or more destructive than blaming and irresponsibility.
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