The Other Person's Perspective
Many of our conflicts are due simply to this phenomenon of personality-based interpretation and response. The first and most powerful step in conflict management is to allow yourself to see the event through the vantage point of the personality you are dealing with. The chief question we need to ask in conflict is not, "What do you think we should do?" but, rather, "What did you see happen?" or "What is the problem from your vantage point?"
Too often conflicts escalate as we argue over the proper response—even though we have not yet agreed on what happened in the first place! As our parable illustrates, each person witnesses a different set of events within one event as biased by their core personality. Until we understand the other person's interpretation of the event, our attempts at resolution can be futile.
A large percentage of our conflicts are rooted in core-personality perceptions. Just how much is rooted in personality is debatable because of the subjectivity of conflict. We know it is substantial, however, because of the amount of personality conflicts we experience with co-workers, employers and clients.
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