The Power of Empathy
The first and most crucial emotional competence necessary for resolving conflict is empathy—the process of identifying emotionally with another person. Empathy—the cornerstone of all conflict management—is a skill demonstrated by those who have mastered the art of keeping themselves disentangled from conflicts.
Daniel Goleman's landmark research on emotional intelligence found in highly successful individuals identified five areas of emotional smarts:
- Awareness
- Restraint
- Resilience
- Empathy
- Rapport
Before we instruct on the social skill of personality-based conflict resolution, it is important to state the foundational need for empathy as a precursor to resolving personality-based conflicts. Because of our core personality, we cannot force ourselves to feel events the same way another person does. However, we can, at the very least, understand that others feel events differently than we do and that they are neither right nor wrong for the way they process events. The good news is neither party is wrong, because perception and response are rooted in core personality.
If we want to resolve conflicts, our first step is toward empathic identity and understanding the other person's vantage point. Once we take this step, people let down their defenses and are more willing to meet halfway.
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